How much time do you spending worrying? About money, about work, about relationships, about things you can’t afford? Stop thinking about it all and let us tell you the hard truth.
You can’t afford any of the following:
1. You can’t afford to compare yourself to others. The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but maybe that’s because it’s fake. Don’t believe the perceived perfection of people’s lives that you see on Facebook. It is not all as it appears. Stop comparing your path to others. I know people who are constantly comparing their success to others’. This is a sure way to drive yourself mad. You are not in competition with them. You are only in competition with yourself.
2. You can’t afford to hate your body. OMG, look at Christie Brinkley – she’s in her sixties! And what about Jennifer Aniston – she’s in her late 40s! Why don’t I look like that? Kate Hudson has the most amazing flat abs and she has children! You will just make yourself feel awful if you compare yourself to people whose careers rely, at least partly, on their looks. Does yours? And don’t think it doesn’t come with a lot of personal training, Botox, surgery, tanning salons, high-priced hairdressers and, yes, PhotoShop. I have a friend who is a model. She is a mother of two but has the most flawless, bangin’ bod you’ve ever seen. And you know what? She subsists on cigarettes and chewing gum. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be healthy. Treat your body with respect and appreciate all it does for you and remember it’s not all about how you look.
3. You can’t afford to hang on to the one who got away. Whether it was that job you wanted or that person you thought you were meant to be with, you need to let it go. It was not meant for you. Years ago, when I was at the hairdresser’s, I read a magazine article that basically said “if he’s the wrong guy, you can wear the most flattering clothes, best-smelling perfume, be witty and cute and smart… and he won’t care. But if he’s the right one, you can have spinach in your teeth and your skirt on backwards and he’ll think you’re adorable.” This applies to jobs as well as to relationships. If you didn’t get what you want, it’s not because you weren’t good enough. It just wasn’t meant for you. And maybe you are meant for better.
4. You can’t afford to question valued friendships because of political differences. Social media has exposed us to our friends’ passionate feelings… which may be the exact opposite of what we believe. She can’t seriously support that idiot who is not qualified to be president! What is she thinking?! And I can’t believe she feels that way about the 2nd amendment! Stop. People are entitled to differences of opinions. What matters, truly, is your friendship. This is your girlfriend who stood by you when you were dumped by the guy you thought was Mr. Right. She’s the one who brought you soup when you were sick. She was a bridesmaid in your wedding. (Insert your own scenario here.) Try to remember why you care about this person who has such maddeningly different views than you. And try to stay off of social media if you can’t deal with their rants.
5. You can’t afford to worry about things out of your control. Can you think of a time when worrying actually made the situation better? I know, I know, easier said than done, but it’s certainly something to think about. Show up, do the work, be present. That’s what you have control over and it’s a lot more constructive than worrying.
What are some things you can’t afford?
Diane says
Good, thoughtful post, Rachelle. I am Queen of #5, especially at night when things seem more serious. Any other suggestions?
Rachelle says
Diane, I, too am the Queen of #5. Yesterday I was having an especially tough day and found myself also comparing myself to others, etc. I had to remind myself to listen to my own words! Like in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping but my mind is spinning. Others have told me that meditation works. I wish I knew all the answers, but perhaps it’s comforting to know that everyone goes through this at times!
Diane says
Funny you should mention meditation, Rachelle. I’ve been reading a little about that lately (via WebMD), and I have a friend who is very knowledgeable about it. So we’ve had some interesting discussions recently. I’m not the type to sit and meditate for any prescribed period of time, but apparently I learned a “mindful meditation” technique (without knowing that’s what it was) years ago which often works for me if I have trouble turning off my thoughts when going to bed. I simply listen to myself breathe in and out. If I’m really doing that, then I can’t be thinking about other things. But sometimes I find that boring and return to my thoughts, thereby defeating the whole purpose!
Jojo says
Great advice, Rachelle! And so concise and well said. You’re right, not easy to do, but important reminders and worth trying. Thanks!
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