Are you jealous of your more successful friends? Via Shutterstock.
“Let’s go grab drinks.” It seems like an innocent invitation, but running through my mind are dollar signs. I can’t help but think that a $9 bottle of wine at home fits my budget better than $8 drinks at the bar. Unfortunately, I’m the only “on a budget, no real job” person in the group so we head to a bar.
As my friends have been landing “real” 40-hour-a-week jobs, I’m figuring out what I want to do with my life. I don’t have my dream job because I’m not even sure what that is yet! Seeing my friends pursue and achieve their dreams is a breeding ground for jealousy.
Is it wrong to be jealous of your more successful friends?
Although I’m not working full-time, I do have a part-time job. I saved money from living at home all but one year of college and by working through school. So, while I cannot go out all the time, I can budget in fun. I’m jealous of friends who don’t have to budget and of friends who aren’t making much money but who love their job.
After college, I assumed I’d be working at a satisfying job, but that hasn’t been the case. I have many friends who are in the same boat, waiting tables, bartending, or working full-time at their summer jobs because they haven’t found jobs in their fields yet. I also have friends, mostly those who studied pharmacy and medical fields, who are entering into high-paying jobs and moving all around the country.
“We’re moving to San Diego next summer! We just accepted our job offers at CVS together!” read my friend’s Facebook status. Instead of feeling happy for my friend, all I could think was maybe I should’ve studied pharmacy. My friend and her boyfriend are moving to California to live on the beach while making great money. Even though I have no desire to work in the medical field and I find science to be very boring, I’m living at home with no “real” job. It’s tough not to throw myself a pity party.
So instead of calling my friend to congratulate her, I called my best friend to commiserate. After listening to me rant about how I was never going to find a job and how I knew I should’ve studied biology, she stopped me.
“You would hate that,” she said. “You don’t like science, remember? Once you get a great job, this will seem worth it.”
I wish I had a better paying job with more opportunities to move up, but I know deep down that my friend is probably right. I would hate a medical or pharmacy job. My jealousy is more because I haven’t found my own dream job and my friend has. So I called to congratulate her, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I checked LinkedIn one more time.
Welcome to Bargain Babe! I’m Mara, and I’m so glad you’re here. I am an obsessive bargain hunter and penny pincher, and I am determined to live a full life without EVER paying full price.
A dream job is not about salary. Many people work in high paying professions but are not happy. You spend 1/3 of your life at work and you don’t want to be miserable.
A friend once said that the ideal job is doing what you love and getting paid to do it. Whether it is art, performing arts, teaching, waitressing or cutting hair you have to love what you’re doing and that would be the ideal job. A people oriented person may be unhappy as an accountant but would make a great hairdresser or bartender.
You may need some personality assessment and career counseling to find which jobs would be a good fit and get the skills you need to get you there. Success is being happy and money can’t buy that.
@Myke I second your thoughts! Some people seek jobs and careers for the money or benefits or status it affords them, others try to find careers that satisfy them or help others. I think it depends on how you were raised and what you find more important.
Have you ever taken a personality assessment to find what jobs you’d be good at? I wonder if there is a free one online…
Myke said it very well. I would just like to add to think about stirring up the entrepreneur in you. I don’t know what you majored in college, but what about starting your own dream job? That’s what I did. Then you can start writing off a lot of those $8 drinks as long as you’re networking! And to answer your question, choice of profession is where your dream job is, not your salary.
@Robin You certainly have the entrepreneurial spirit! How old were you when you started your own business? Did you work for others in the field first? How did you pay your bills while growing your business? And what is your business? I’m so curious!
I had a great job for 10 years (and it was something I wanted to do since I was 15) and yet I’m more fulfilled and happy to be working on my own, as a small business owner. Don’t be jealous on her, congratulate her and be happy. Focus on what MAKES YOU HAPPY and look for your own way. You will find it 😉
@dojo Very sound advice. If anything, seeing her friends take medical jobs has probably reconfirmed that this is not a field she would enjoy. Sometimes the best way to find your dream job is to take jobs you *think* you’re interested in. If you hate it, you can cross it off your list!
Finding your dream job is related to your choice of profession and whether you feel valued and happy in that profession. Sure more money is great, but just because you have a high salary doesn’t equate to happiness. There are several jobs where you can make six figures, but they are not all created equal. If you have a job where you make lots of money, but don’t have time to actual enjoy spending it or have time to spend with friends and family then what’s the point. If you are fixated by the salary number, that’s not the way to go. To clarify, I am not saying working for minimum wage will make you happy either. It’s really what you are doing rather than how much you are making. If you are not feeling challenged then looking inward might be a good idea to see what would make you feel useful, valued and playing up your strengths. To reiterate what Myke said earlier, if you are a person who enjoys the outdoors but are spending most of your time working indoors, you may want to think about that. Then again, some people are alright with the payoff. They justify the hours working inside, perhaps making more money, so they can make the most of their time off enjoying the outdoors.
Hi Sofia,
I think that’s a really good point. You have to find work that you enjoy or at least allows you to pursue your interests on your own time. I definitley think that finding a job within the sphere of your personal interests will make you happier!
Since I started this discussion I have some other factors you might considered:
Do you prefer working 9-5 or some other fixed schedule? Do you want something totally flexible?
As Robin pointed out, entrepreneurs make their jobs and hours. Do you have the drive and determination to start a business or are you more of a worker? Would you be OK with NOT having a steady income?
Do you like to travel and are you willing to travel for work? Being away from home for days or weeks at a time wrecks havoc with personal time plans and relationships and can get old very quickly. I travelled for work before homeland security screening. Schlepping luggage and sitting around airports was not fun.
Jobs in the travel industry also come with perks so even if you are working in an office or call center, you can get discounted or free flights and hotels and take the kind of vacations your friends can dream of. There are jobs on cruise ships, with airline companies, hotels and other hospitality industries. My friend’s son set up shore excursions for passengers on Alaskan cruise ships for 6 months out of the year and for rest of the time he worked at a ski resort.
Just find something that you love doing.
@Sophia and @Myke Great questions to consider when trying to figure out what profession you want to pursue. Keep in mind that your needs will change, too. At a certain point, you may care more about making money that having a thrilling job. Or your interests may chance. I’ve already had careers in two fields, maybe three, depending on how you count it.
If I feel any of the jealousy emotion creeping in I try to convert it into motivational energy to drive me to reaching my goals.
As for finding a dream job, I think it depends on how people value things like: time, money, passions, etc. I know people who work jobs they hate because they love their $250k per year salaries while I have other friends who do work they love buy only make $30k per year but wish they made more.
@Brent I agree with you that it’s best to use jealousy as motivation. I also understand the conflict betweeen passion and money. I love to have nice things ( who doesn’t?) but I can’t imagine spending half of my life doing something I don’t enjoy. I hope one day I can make a good salary doing what I love but it’s usually not that easy. Here’s to working to make it happen!
I don’t think it is wrong to be jealous of your successful friends. It is okay to feel jealous at the moment, but it is not okay to stay jealous for the rest of you life. Take your jealousy and make something out of it! What you make of it is entirely up to you. Freedom of choice 🙂
Choice of profession or salary? I would say that depends on what is important for you in life. And this is a question that ultimately only you can answer. I wish you the best of luck with finding what you are looking for in a job.