Does it get any better than this? Via Shutterstock
I’m constantly wrestling with the temptation to upgrade. Upgrade what? Our cars, our pillows, our home decor, EVERYTHING! Take our knives, for instance. We have one high quality chef’s knife and a bunch of lower quality knives that do the job but aren’t exactly sturdy. They need to be sharpened once a year. I would love to have higher quality knives, including a sturdy chef’s knife that fits my husband’s large hands. But when I step back and look at my desire to spend $200-$400 on higher quality knives, I see a broader issue. I want nice things because they are beautiful to look at, easy to use, and make me feel special. But do they actually improve our lives?
Why can’t I be happy with what I have?
Some days I just want to buy, buy, buy. New framed art for the walls! Plates that aren’t chipped! A super compact stereo system! Trendy outfits for the girls! Summer sandals for me! My cravings to spend skyrockets when I go to a friend’s huge house where they have so many new gadgets and toys and beautiful clothes. Or when I hear another friend say, “it cost a little bit more but we really love it.” Of course you love it! You bought the fanciest toothbrush available. I bet your mouth has never been cleaner. Your gums never more refreshed.
I’m totally and utterly jealous.
Don’t these people feel squashed by huge credit card bills? Panicked by huge mortgages? Overwhelmed by the sheer number of things in their house? Or is it me – and I the one who over reacts to these things, forcing myself to spend like a miser so I can save, save, save. (Last time I checked we save 26% of our take home pay.) And while I don’t envy their massive credit card bills, and I remind myself that my spending habits are right for me, retirement is a long time to wait to get the last laugh. So I take a deep breath, and defer all new purchasing ideas until the envy has blown over. But I’m still stuck with my original dilemma.
When is it right to upgrade?
When I was just out of college (read: broke with a cheap apartment and a couch we found on the sidewalk), I visited a couple’s new apartment and was marveling at how nice everything was – a real home – when the guy summed up their life. “Everything is from IKEA, to be upgraded as soon as possible by Pottery Barn.” We all laughed and moved on. But that conversation has stuck with me. Is life just about upgrading as soon as we can afford to? I look around our house and I see so many things that are cheap but perfectly functional. Our scrubby backdoor mat that I bought at JobLot for $3. Our hollow bedroom doors that block zero sound. Our 18 year old towels that my husband got when he went to college. (Is that frugal or just plain sad? Towels that could drive a car!!!) But the mat is perfectly functional, our doors functional, our towels…frustratingly functional. It’s easy to SAY no, don’t replace it if it works.
But how do I make peace with that?
I want my home to look nice, for things to match and look new(ish). Should I stop going to homes nicer than mine? Should I stop reading glossy magazines? Should I toss all catalogs unread into the recycling? Should I change the conversation when friends start talking about the exciting new thing they bought? Should I avoid the mall?
How should I avoid the urge to buy new things?
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Welcome to Bargain Babe! I’m Mara, and I’m so glad you’re here. I am an obsessive bargain hunter and penny pincher, and I am determined to live a full life without EVER paying full price.
I get that you want better stuff. Working with poor quality knives and pots and pans is a drag and it’s easy to resent a budget that doesn’t let you have any little splurges. There is alternative to buying that kind of stuff at retail. Go shop flea markets and garage sales. As long as things have been taken care of good cookware, knives, and even serving platters, silver plate and crystal are just as good if not better if they are 20 years old and some of them are a great deal nicer if they are 50 or even 100 years old. These things sell cheaper at your local flea market or at garage or estate sales than the cheap stuff you buy at Target. Flea markets are a great place to find unique decor and art as well. People clean out elderly relatives’ houses when they down size or pass away and anything that is not to their taste or they don’t need goes to flea markets and second hand stores. You can put together a whole house with really nice stuff in a quirky or eclectic way very inexpensively and make your friends jealous that you have the taste and ability to do this and don’t have to buy matching sets of stuff just like everyone else has. Save your money to buy those things at retail that you really don’t want to be second hand like sheets, towels and other soft goods.
@Jennifer Great tip! I love going to yard sales but I’ll have to search for a bigger flea market near me, then convince my husband to let me go for a few hours! As alternative would be to go to an estate sale…but a big flea market with a lot of different vendors would be quicker and increase my chances of finding what’s on my list.
You got a lot of it right in your last paragraph. I was just like you once and now I am 51 with not too much of a savings. I stopped hanging around with people who valued nice things instead of just good times. I throw away catalogues that come in the mail that contain things I didn’t need or want 5 minutes ago. I delete a ton of SALES emails that arrive in my inbox before I even open them.
People today are extremely into instant gratification and trying to impress everyone around them. It’s shallow and stupid. It’s ok to indulge every once in a while but you have to just contain yourself.
Saving 26% of your earnings is great! Keep it up. Dave Ramsey says you’ve got to live like no one else so you’ll be able to live like no one else. You’ll have the last laugh.
@Robin Thanks for your encouragement. Spending all that money would freak me out anyway – I’d be sweating out credit card bill every month. And my husband be livid if I bought everything I fancied. Better to let the urge pass and remember, when I retire at 55 and they’re still working, I’ll be glad I saved so much.
I agree with Robin and Jennifer’s statements. As a woman in her mid- 40’s and feeling the pinch of paying back my debt acquired from my 20’s and 30’s, I find it all comes down to WANT vs. NEED. Do you really need new things? Not really in most cases.
My suggestion is to find other ways to make yourself happy on the inside than competing with “the Jones’s down the street. ” Most likely they are up to their eyeballs in debt, miserable or totally unaware of their partners crazy spending habits.
For those things you feel you can not live without, there are other ways to get them. Ask for those specific items as gifts at holiday and birthday time – if you celebrate. Or in the form of a gift card for you to shop and get the right model. Second, save your money/change each week till you can afford said item. You will enjoy it more being debt free. Option #3 ? Work part time at that store to get your employee discount to save you money.
@UpstateNYer Love your last suggestion – work at the store I want to shop at for the employee discount. Hmmm…now should I apply to Macys? They have quite the selection of knives. I think what we should really do is pick one item we want to save for, then deposit money into a special account for it. That way we know we have saved for it, as opposed to just decided to splurge on an item we’ve wanted for awhile. Right now we have a general savings and checking account, but this way it would be earmarked money so when we spent it, the purchase would be guilt free!
I’ve been to houses where everything matched and they looked lovely. They were so perfect that I wouldn’t feel comfortable living there.
Knives can be sharpened but if the quality is bad, investing in a good knife will pay off. Even good knives need periodic sharpening. More people are hurt by bad, dull knives than sharp ones because the sharp ones cut properly. You should choose the knives that fit your hand. They will last a lifetime.
Saving over 25% of you take home pay affords you some wiggle room. You can get towels on sale and replace some things that are old. You just don’t need to do it all at once. Set aside some money each month in the budget and prioritize what you want to replace.
Be happy in the fact that if one of you loses your job you will be in a much better situation than your friends with big mortgages and high credit card bills.
Happiness comes from within, not from having more stuff.
@Myke Excellent reminder – happiness comes from within, not from having more stuff. I was just reading the other day that people who make $500,000 are no happier than people who make more than $50,000.
I’m also going to start a list of things we’d like to buy. That way we can look at it and prioritize and look for those items on sale and at flea markets and garage sales. I need to stick to the list!
Don’t stop going to homes that are nicer than yours. Do CHOOSE to be happy for your friends who have more. Do toss the magazines & catalogs if you can’t enjoy them without allowing them to steal your joy.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, volunteer some time to help others…other who have NO home, others who have NO health so they can’t work or they’re dieing…..Make the choice, choose to be content, choose to appreciate what you have, choose to be thankful. No, it doesn’t always make you feel different, at least not right away. But the more you see the needs of others instead of the riches of others, the more you appreciate what you have. The more you look at what people own instead of enjoying the companionship of the person, the more discontented you will be.
Seriously, it’s just part of growing up. Some of us never really grow up & learn to be content because we don’t choose to take responsibility for our own feelings. You can improve something you own without buying something new to replace it. Always look for ways to improve who you are & what you own in creative ways, without envy.
@Jen Y Such serene advice! I love this especially: “The more you look at what people own instead of enjoying the companionship of the person, the more discontented you will be.” I hereby pledge to focus on my friends and not the homes they live in or the toys they have. I will focus on our relationships and enjoying the time we spend together. I will be happy for the things they have and do my best to let go feelings of envy. And when that fails, I will let myself daydream about retiring early. 🙂
I was impressed with these classy people’s classy responses. As for me, I just don’t care about such things. What I have is fine if it still functions plus I keep it looking good. For example, after nearly 40 years with the same washer and dryer which gave us reliable service, we finally bought new HE front-loading replacements. We knew the end had to be near for the old ones. Sure enough, when they were removed, there was a puddle of oil under the washer. And what a difference in the way the two new appliances work and sound! I had not realized that my previous washer had a very tired spin cycle. Things did not come out of the washer as damp-dry as they do now. So I really appreciate these. Also, we tend to keep our cars for several years, always maintaining them per the manual. I had one car for 14 years; my current one is 10. Sometimes I lust after a car I see, but mine runs fine, is paid for, and is safe. It may sound strange, but I feel a loyalty to these inanimate objects that serve me so well.
@Diane I was impressed with the quality of the responses, too. BB readers are quite savvy and confident in their financial choices! Their ideas and support has helped me, and I will keep them in mind when I see my spendy friends.
Glad you upgraded your W/D. I bet you’re also enjoying a lower utility bill!
P.S. We also applied for rebates with both the electric and gas companies!
@Diane Three cheers for rebates!!!
Everyone has to look at their own life and decide what is important for themselves. Sometimes I say “it’s only money”, but that money has to last a very long time.
@Lariss I totally agree. I tell myself frequently “it’s his/her money, s/he can do with it what they want!”