If my daughter pays her own medical bills, will she be more careful?
If a child repeatedly makes the same mistake, should you make them pay for it with their own money? That’s what writer Heather Stephens is contemplating. Heather is auditioning for a staff writer position on BargainBabe.com! Missed the audition announcement? Here it is. We are running the best audition posts this week and next.
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My husband and I have been tap dancing around a touchy subject this week, ”Should we make our 11 year old daughter pay for her own medical bills?”
My youngest daughter has battled swimmer’s ear for years. Every time she hits the water she ends up with an ear infection. She knows it is an issue and we’ve spent almost a decade of summers, reminding her to wear earplugs while she’s in the water and to put in drops after swimming.
She’s wonderful at reminding our 5 year old son, who has tubes in his ears, to put his putty buddies in before his bath, but claims “she forgot” to put them in for herself when she went swimming last week, under the supervision of another adult who didn’t know her situation. My mom’s instinct tells me that it was either not cool, or she forgot to put them in and it was too inconvenient to go get them, after she remembered.
So, as you can predict, she started complaining a day or two later that her ear hurt, requiring a doctor visit the next day to confirm she had swimmers ear, once again.
After shelling out a $35 copay and $40 for medicine she’s on the mend, but my budget is not. And if this summer goes like last summer did, we’ll be visiting the doctor repeated times for this same situation.
The Pros & Cons of Making Kids Pay for Their Own Medical Expenses:
I hate spending money on unnecessary necessities. Having to pay for a doctor visit and medicine falls into that unnecessary necessity category when it’s because my daughter was too lazy or too inconvenienced to put in earplugs. Making her pay those bills is a good example to teach kids about money and it’s a good opportunity to include kids in family finances.
I know money is her “currency” as Dr. Phil talks about. She’s driven to earn it and frugal when spending it, therefore she’s got a nice savings account and heavy piggy bank to cover the cost of her mistake. I am guessing she will feel the pain of paying the bill, more than she does the pain of the ear infection.
Another Pro: In addition to teaching her about money, we will be reinforcing the lessons of taking care of herself. Being responsible for protecting her ears teaches the same skills as remembering to put on sunscreen, wearing a seat belt in the car, or practicing safe sex (but not until she’s married and at least 30).
Con: I don’t want her to avoid telling me if she has an ear infection this summer. I want her to know that my husband and I are there for her, to love her and support her, even when she makes mistakes.
So, what’s your opinion? My husband and I have paid the bill this time. I want to teach our 11 year old a lesson and make her pay for her own medical bills if she has future swimmers ear slip-ups. My husband disagrees. Have I gone completely off the deep end? Please help a parent out and share your thoughts in the comments below.
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About the writer
Heather Stephens is a frugal mom of three who writes about personal finance and shopping for FatWallet.com/blog. She also shares stories on her personal blog, Becoming-Me.com about the embarrassing situations she always finds herself in, money, and personal development.
Welcome to Bargain Babe! I’m Mara, and I’m so glad you’re here. I am an obsessive bargain hunter and penny pincher, and I am determined to live a full life without EVER paying full price.
I think you are both right… set up a sliding scale first offense is $10…. and increase it $5-10 each occurrence. also Jordan (our almost 20 yo) had this issue, a shower would give her issues. So we bought her the drops for her swimmers ear. They help dry out the water left in the ear they are about $8 I believe at CVS. She buys her own drops now, and has for a while.
We still pay her health insurance now that she is in college but since she hit 18, she pays her own co-pays and deductible, & balance due. Yes, it still costs us extra a month, but we are saving her a huge dollar amount by not having her buy her own coverage.
Thanks for the suggestion Juliana! I like your idea of setting up a sliding scale for her. It seems like a nice compromise that will still push her buttons and hopefully help her make the earplugs and drops a priority next time.
I agree the drops work great, if she remembers to use them. My parents covered my insurance while I was in school until I got married, which was totally helpful. I’m all for helping our kids get started in life with some common sense and responsibility around money. You sound like a great mom! 🙂
It does sound kinda absurd – but definitely valid. A few years ago my daughter was reallin into ice skating (figure skating). She was going through a pair of new tights every week due to her being careless and ruining them. After a few weeks of me complaining about it and lecturing her about taking care of them – I finally quit buying them and made HER buy a pair ($9). Oddly enough, that pair lasted more than 2 months.
Odd indeed. 🙂 I know my kids take much better care of things they’ve had to work hard for and pay for on their own. My oldest is babysitting now and surprised me last week when we were talking about a top she’s been wanting. I suggested that she could get it now with her babysitting money. She stated that the top would cost a whole day of babysitting and wasn’t worth it. I may surprise her with it for back to school, since she’s been working so hard, but it made me feel good to know she’s realizing the value of the dollar.
While I think that including your children in the family’s finances is a must, I’m not sure I would go that route. After all she is still a child. What about just grounding her from the pool? Or how about making her work to earn the equivalent of what you spent on medical bills?
We have discussed giving her extra chores to do if it happens again and I’m not opposed to that idea. I do want her to realize how much money her mistake cost the family, and maybe paying the price through extra chores is what we need to do. Thanks so much for your input. I really appreciate your comment, Melissa!
I like the idea, but it will be totally dependent on the child involved. She sounds financially motivated, and as such… It may be a great learning tool. I have one that it would work with, and one who it would not. Good luck, and thanks for the great article!
Hi Jason! Thanks for coming on over to comment! I appreciate it. You make a great point of finding what motivates each child. Money isn’t a motivator for everyone. Missing out on the fun would be a much greater motivator for my son than my 11 year old daughter. It’s crazy how different kids from the same 2 parents can be! Figuring out each of their hot buttons has been super helpful for us to discipline effectively.
Unavoidable medical bills and necessary visits might be a no question on parental coverage, however since this is a repeat occurrence which can simply be prevented, it might be a great wake up call to your daughter having her pay for her mistake! Giving her a warning that she will have to pay for her future mistake might just give her the scare she needs “remember” to use her earplugs for each swim. Have you tried talking to her to see if embarrassment is the true cause behind this? It might be nice to relate to her on a personal level, showing her that this is a common problem that many people deal with and she should not be embarrassed, as well as explain to her how much her forgetfulness has cost you.
Overall, I’m all for it! Good luck! 🙂
Thanks Brittany! She still stands by her “I forgot” excuse, but I think I’ll talk to her more about the embarrassment issue to make sure she’s not feeling weird around her friends. Peer pressure is always a tough thing for kids to deal with, and maybe that’s part of the issue here. I appreciate you bringing that to my attention. Thanks for the comment!
I think medical expenses should be paid by the parents. Will I admire teaching the children skills, I think a much better system would be have children do chores at set per hour with inflated per hour wage. it still teaches but the medical costs despite how issues arise it is still parents responsibility. You brought them into this world…..
You and my husband think alike. Ha!Ha! We did bring her into this world and I’m not against paying for her care. It’s an attempt, instead, to teach her the value of money. We have considered giving her chores to do to work it off if it happens again. I so appreciate you adding to the discussion. I agree that parents have a big responsibility to provide medical care, education, clothing, food, a happy warm home, entertainment and lots and lots of love. 🙂 Thanks for commenting, Noose!
Before making her pay, discuss the cost of her treatment and how it affects the family. Let her know that you love her and that she is old enough to start taking responsibility for her actions in this matter, especially since she always reminds her younger brother.
Since your daughter is driven to earn money, I might start off small by making her pay a portion of the treatment the next time that she forgets, perhaps 10%. The amount she pays would increase with future episodes until she becomes responsible for the full amount. When she starts sharing the cost or the first time she has to take money out of the piggy bank she will become more responsible.
Would your doctor be willing to give you refills on the meds in order to avoid repeated visits since this appears to be a predictable, recurring condition?
Hi Myke! Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts. Our doctor may be helpful with a refill on her medicine since it is a reoccurring situation in her health history.
I really like your idea of having her pay a portion of the bill, increasing that with future episodes. I think it would be a good motivator for her. We have spoken with her this time (and previous times) about how important it is for her to take care of her health and what it costs the family if she doesn’t. We’ve used it with dentist visits to get the kids to brush their teeth too. I think money would be the biggest motivator at this stage in her life, and having her pay a portion of the bill seems to be a good compromise. She is so loved (and knows it!) 🙂
Heather, first of all I want to tell you how much I enjoy your articles. I especially love the humor you bring and the way it makes us all feel human. I am a faithful reader.
In regards to this article, I feel your frustration. I applaud your efforts to teach your children to be fiscally responsible. I also applaud your 11 year old for being responsible for her little brother. As parents we can be relentless in making sure our kids have sunscreen on because we know the long term effects, but often we decide not to put it on ourselves. Then we are surprised we have a sunburn. It is the beginning of the swimming season. Maybe the lesson has been learned. I think if she continues to “forget” to put in her ear plugs before swimming, perhaps a good alternative would be to not allow her to swim until she can prove to you that she is responsible for herself. She also needs to consider the damage she is doing to her ears. Just my opinion, not necessarily what is right for your daughter.
Keep writing, Heather and I will keep reading.
Thanks for the comment, Vicki! She is an awesome big sister! You’re absolutely right about forgetting to put sunscreen on ourselves, even if we’ve remembered to put it on the kids. We can all be lazy when it comes to personal care from time to time. Maybe having her sit out on the fun would be a better approach. Thanks for the suggestion and your kudos! 🙂
I am a HUGE advocate in teaching our kids financial responsibility. I have 4, ages 6-18.
My 2 littles decided to start ‘upcycling’ their clothing… the 6yo got too enthusiastic and cut a fave dress in half. She missed it and moaned for a new one. She brought me her piggy bank that she had been saving for a doll dress. Lesson learned.
The teens know if they lose technology or break it or get a speeding ticket or _____ it is their responsibility. No question.
I love the sliding scale idea. After all — is she using her drops faithfully? Is she blow-drying her ears out? Is she draining them? Taking other precautions?
If we are a TEAM as a family — we do wellness and prevention as a team. At 11, she’s old enough to get responsibility, consequences and costs. Great idea!
Now…if it were tonsils, or an ‘illness’ – TOTALLY different!
Hi Carrie! Our kids are similar in age. I love the story about your daughters’ upcycling their clothes. I had a mishap like your 6 year old when I was about her age, and accidentally cut my bedspread while making doll clothes out of my old clothes. I was devastated and lived with it for several years. Learned a good lesson though.
You make a good point that age plays a big factor in how much responsibility I’d put on my kids. My 5 year old, needs reminding. I feel my 11 year old is old enough to take care of this. The sliding scale seems to be a great compromise running through the suggestions in the comments. I’ll be discussing it with my husband and come to a solution that’s the right fit for our daughter.
You’re absolutely right though…an illness or medical condition like tonsils (we just did the adenoids thing with our son a year ago) is definitely a different story. Thanks so much for your comment! 🙂
I feel that this goes on the same lines as the swear jar or our icecream fund. I feel it is an absolute must to show your children the value of a dollar. We as a family go to a drive in icecream place , when i pay it is sundays all around but when it is a kids turn to pay they get kiddie cones because they want to save. This is our treat in our family, bit the kids do work for the money we recieve feom chores. I am all for having her help pay for the bill. Good luck on figuring out what to do!
Teaching kids the value of the dollar is a big lesson! I can see a transition from when they are overly generous as little ones, willing to give away anything if it will make someone happy, to the totally innocent, but “gimme-more” and “I want that” stage. They eventually get to the almost shy, not wanting to ask in case it’s an imposition stage.
I like your ice-cream fund idea to help teach kids about money and giving them an opportunity to treat the family to something fun. It’s a great idea. Thanks for your input on having my daughter pay her bill. I appreciate it. I think regardless of the outcome, she needs to be reminded she’s loved unconditionally, and needs to treat herself with the same love and care she has for her brother. 🙂
As a lesson when I was young, my dad would have said “the cost of this mistake will mean that you’ll have to sacrifice the cost of something else”, usually something I really wanted to do (that was fun like going to Great America, versus missing something like piano lessons or summer camp). The “now we can’t afford this” lesson seemed to work better for myself and has worked for my daughter as she grew up, and helped to understand that “money doesn’t grow on trees”, or there’s only so much and if we spend it here, we can’t spend it here. I think making me pay for something my friends would never have to pay for would have made me resentful, but either way, it’s important to make your point. Learning self responsibility will be an asset for her later in life, just like when you forget to change your oil, or furnace filters. On a tight budget, one cost always cancels out another.
The other thing parents should do is to make sure the supervisor also knows about the health issue. That authority reminder can also be a good influence and a nice safety so the situation doesn’t happen at all.
Good post!
Wow, I hadn’t thought of her being resentful having to pay for something her friends didn’t have to pay for. I’m so glad you brought it up. It’s challenging with multiple kids to withhold something fun since it punishes everyone. I’m not sure yet how we’d do that unless we worked it so that my husband or I stay home with her while the other one takes the other kids. I bet it would be a lesson she remembered though!
You’re right that neglecting to take care of things ends up costing more in the long run and that spending more in one category requires cut backs in other areas. That’s a big budgeting lesson I think a lot of grown-ups could learn from as well!
You’re absolutely right about letting the adult in charge know of any health situations. That was my mistake to not pass the information on. Thanks for your insightful comment and good suggestions, Brent! 🙂
Let one child sit out, no swim suit, no fun. That is how my child learned best. He just had to sit and watch his sisters skate because of his behavior. He only had to sit once. If I left him at home, he still could find something to do. Sitting in the hot sun and only allowed to watch, not read or play with anyone is very effective. No shade unless I were in the shade. No snacks unless we all had snacks. Only water was allowed.
I think holding kids responsible for their actions/non-actions is very important, but every child learns differently from the consequences. Perhaps talking with your daughter about what the consequence should be if it happens again would be a good start. Would she be more bothered by sitting out for the summer, or by handing over some of her hard-earned cash?
That’s the great debate, Sandi! I think a good talk with her is definitely in order. In her case, I think money would be the bigger deterrent, but the sliding scale ideas that have been posted so far in the comments seem to be a good first step. 🙂 I really appreciate your comment. Thanks so much!
I don’t have children so it would be hard for me to put this into perspective. However, this idea is certainly an interesting one. My only concern would be the actual moo-lah your child would be forking over. I know when I was eleven I didn’t have $50 in my piggy bank. Any money that I received whether that be birthday or holiday went straight to friends outings or items that I wanted. So, kudos for having your daughter already being a frugal saver 🙂
Thanks Ann! She does have the dough to fund it, but it would be hard for her to hand it over. I never had money as a kid either…my sister always did though. She was the saver. 🙂
This is a hard one for me because I do agree with you – that she needs to learn to take care of herself but I also agree with your husband. She is still young & she may actually be forgetting(because of her age) sometimes. It’s much easier to remember someone else’s ‘faults’ (reminding her brother) than our own.
You might try a different consequence than paying. For example – for every time she forgets, she can’t go swimming the next time she’s asked to go. That will be a pain for you but watching the family swim is a pretty hard thing. If she suffers through that one time it may be enough to help her remember in the future. I used this technique on my son when he was around 10. I’d let him browse the store on his own while I shopped only if he agreed to meet me at our designated spot on time. If he was late, he had to stay with me the next time we shopped – total humiliation! I only had to enforce the rule one time & honestly he was never late again. (this was before cell phones)
Another thing you should do no matter what you decide is help her understand how much money AND time it’s actually costing the family. Sit down & do the math with her. How much does dad make an hour? How many hours did he have to work to pay the $75 bill? Remember to consider taxes – those get paid first & then you get to choose what to do with what’s left. Let’s just say he earns $15 an hour after taxes – that’s five hours of work to pay the bill. Remind her that he has to work that many hours to pay for her forgetting to take care of herself. That’s 5 hours he could use other ways, 5 hours of pay you could use for fun things. ect.
I did this with my son when he was fairly young & asking for unreasonable things. Just helping him see how long dad had to work to pay for us to live in our house, then to pay for us to have lights, then food, then our car. You don’t have to list amounts of everything. But helping her see he has to work so many weeks to pay for these things before he’s earning any money to pay for extra things. It helped him see that there was enough money for our needs & some fun things but not enough to be wasteful.
Hi Jen! I love your idea of sitting down and doing the math with her, explaining how many hours mom and dad have to work to cover the cost of her mistake. And how many things her mistake could have purchased for fun instead of having to pay the doctor. That’s awesome to put it into perspective for her like that. Also bringing in the topic of how much goes to taxes is a great idea too!
We’ve talked about having her sit out from future family fun, and that may be an option we go with as well.
You sound like an amazing mom, teaching your son how the household runs and how much we grown-ups have to work to cover even the basic necessities in life. It’s a good lesson too in how being frugal can shift the percentage of income that’s spent on necessities and how much on fun. Great tips! Thanks for the comment!
How about offering her a small reward every time she does remember? Sometimes positive reinforcement works better than punishment. She sounds like a smart kid and motivated to earn things.
Also, something I did when my kids were younger was to have them write an essay on a topic related to what they were in trouble for. Her’s could be about all of the things your family could do with the money you had to spend because she wasn’t careful – or even about the condition of swimmer’s ear.
Hi Kim! We do the essay thing too. A while ago my girls were at each other’s throats for several days in a row. They each were punished with an essay about what they love about their sister and how they could handle the situation that caused them to fight differently. They also had to talk about what actions they did that added to the conflict an take responsibility for them. It seems to be an effective way of handling things. I hadn’t thought to use it with the Dr. Visit though! Thanks for the suggestion.
I don’t think a child should have to pay for medical treatment because she may be at fault! This could be a slippery slope where she must pay for all medical treatment and lead to child neglect or abuse if people take this seriously. Swimmer’s ear can occur even when showering. I can get swimmer’s ear if I am in too much humidity for too long, like in a sauna or in humid summer air with no ac available. You should be able to medicate her without a trip to the doctor. Take charge and take care of her. It is up to you to find a solution to her recurring health problem, not punish her because she has a problem. Make her pay for the cell phone she breaks, not for her ear problem.
My three children were on the swim team and got swimmer’s ear. I knew what to do and so did they. One trip to the doctor was all it took. The mothers educated each other. We all grabbed our children and put the treatment for prevention in their ears, not leaving it up to them. No one ever put plugs in the children’s ears!
I would never punish a child for being ill and needing a doctor. I would feel insecure and frightened if my parents had done this to me. Suck it up and be a parent. Maybe she could just quit participating in any kind of exercise. Of course, that would lead to other health problems, maybe even obesity.
Another thing:
My son broke his arm the day he got the cast off from a previous break. If I had threatened him with paying for his own broken arm, I think he would worry all the time about hurting himself. Of course, he was like many children, just rambunctious and carefree. He actually broke his arm the first time because he was going head first into a wall. He said he remembered what I told him about hitting his head and breaking his neck, so he put his arm up to protect himself. At the time, five years before the broken arm, I was trying to impress on him how he should never dive headfirst into the pool. He transferred information to a new situation.
My daughter had asthma. I taught her to recognize the symptoms so we could prevent a full blown episode. But, I would never have told her she had to pay her medical bills.
I tried to make their health about their well-being and not about the monetary considerations. They did know it cost money to go to the doctor, but I never threw up their cost to the family. They knew their health sometimes caused cutbacks elsewhere. They were concerned, but I assured them we could pay for it all and wanted to pay so they could be healthy. I would never want to make them feel insecure about their own health.
Teach money lessons with health by buying otc meds and generic prescriptions in addition the cheap home remedies where it is appropriate.
Sorry, I hadn’t seen your second reply here when I replied (below) to your first comment. Teaching money lessons by being frugal with generic prescriptions is definitely important and something we do within our family. I think also remembering to take preventative action, especially to recurring medical conditions we know are an issue, is appropriate as well.
That’s wonderful your son was able to protect his head and neck, and a broken arm is definitely the lesser of the potential evils there. I grew up with Asthma too, and knew when to go to the nurse for my inhaler.
But I never would have considered smoking cigarettes, because I knew it would cause a problem.
The point is not about the money, it’s about teaching her a lesson she’ll remember next time she’s in the same situation. And for my daughter, money is a hot-button. Facing the threat of losing it is likely to be a future deterrent. I look at it as a similar punishment to taking away a kid’s iPod or texting privileges if one of those things were highly valued by them.
Hi Practical Parsimony! Thanks for your passionate response.
Luckily my daughter’s swimmers ear has always been caused by submersing her head under water and drops don’t always do the trick (hence the putty buddies we purchased from the doctor).
I’d never make her pay for all her medical treatments, or let her medical needs go neglected. That was part of my concern about punishing her this way as I mentioned in the post. “Con: I don’t want her to avoid telling me if she has an ear infection this summer. I want her to know that my husband and I are there for her, to love her and support her, even when she makes mistakes.” I agree that it’s a parent’s responsibility to take care of our kids and their medical needs.
It would be a different story if I punished her for being ill. We paid for her medical bills in full. I am proposing that we let her know ahead of time, that if it happened again she’d be responsible for the expense, which would hopefully be a deterrent to future laziness or forgetfulness.
We’ve always told our kids that it’s our job as parents to keep them safe and their job to help us keep it that way. I can’t be with them 100% of the time, and as they grow up and start to do things on their own, they need to be responsible for themselves and their actions. Inside the 4 walls of our home, we look out for each other, love each other and treat each other with respect. Outside these walls we can’t always control what happens. We’re trying to equip them to the best of our ability to be able to plan ahead for the unexpected and take care of themselves.
Learning how to take care of herself is one of the most important things I could teach her.
A parent can always figure a way the child is at fault. This just seems like a horrid idea to make a child responsible for paying for an illness. Isn’t the illness bad enough? Teaching them to stay healthy is a worthy goal but punishment for failure is a recipe for disaster. Maybe she would decide later in life that living with something is better than spending money on it. My son never had money to pay for his health care, but maybe we could have sold his bike or other toys, his sports equipment.
I talked to a close friend, still enraged by this discussion, and asked his opinion. He was saying that maybe paying for treatment might cause the child to learn a lesson. When I remarked that an 11-yr-old….he changed his mind, yelling a few choice words, saying that he thought this was an older teen, 15 or older. He has no children, has never married, and is 60, so his opinion was particularly interesting. He said a child this young should just not be allowed to go swimming for a week or so, however long it took to get a chance that she would have to miss.
Maybe you would like to know the complications of swimmer’s ear. Maybe you can make her aware of the consequences to her long-term health. To me, that would be more beneficial. Health should not be all about the cost, even though we know that is a huge part of health care. She brushes her teeth to avoid cavities, not to save you money. We put on sunscreen, not to save the monetary cost of skin cancer, but to save our lives. I am a grandmother who has g-children old enough to be parents themselves. I have been through 45+ years of dealing with children who have been ill, sometimes because they were careless. But, it never occurred to me to request payment or partial payment for healthcare costs. Don’t you think being ill is punishment enough and presents a teachable moment? The punishment, if you need more, should not involve money, but some activity missed.
Read this:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/swimmers-ear/DS00473/DSECTION=complications
I googled “swimmer’s ear complication mayo clinic” and got this information.
This all comes way too close to child abuse and/or child neglect for me to be comfortable. Children will and do hide things because of their lack of good judgment. Parents who do not seek health care and pray about it have had their children suffer and die. So, a parent who punishes for cost and has a child die or suffer a major problem is an abuser or neglectful parent.
Can you trust your child’s judgment in all areas medical? Can you trust that he knows when things have gone too far? Maybe she will put a bandaid on a small cut that needs attention and hide it from you until she has a systemic infection that requires hospitalization just so she can keep her money.
I am telling you I am particularly susceptible to swimmer’s ear just from being in a very humid place for too long. The infection set up while I, an adult, was not swimming or showering. I take a bath and had not washed my hair when I had swimmer’s ear the last time.
But, I will not comment again.
“This all comes way too close to child abuse and/or child neglect for me to be comfortable. ”
LOL are you serious? I assume a “stern stare” at your child is to close to child abuse too, as it might hurt their feelings.
Really!!!!!!!! Accusing someone of child abuse or child neglect because they are trying to teach their child a lesson on being responsible is way out of line. This was an open discussion on teaching a child that there might be consequences when they continuously “forget” to protect their ears when they know the end result is always an ear infection. You’ve taken this way too far and seem to be dwelling on the parent being the villain. Time to open your mind a bit to the fact that each child is different and responds to consequences differently. If money is her trigger, perhaps a fine for “forgetting” is a better approach than just making her “sit out” next time. Don’t assume that your way is the only way and be very careful what you accuse other parents of unless you know the whole story.
Sounds like this isn’t an issue of paying the medical bill but more of a lesson inducer. I think making her pay part of the bill is a good start. One post mentioned a sliding fee – good idea. Most likely it’ll only take once and she’ll be more responsible. I would just make it a one time deal. Sometimes having the ear infection is its own punishment …. Learn by natural consequences. I’d make sure she has sufficient funds – make her pay part and then see how that goes. Teaching kids lessons is a journey! and as a parent you are ultimately responsible for her health and her bills – she’s only 11- so as she gets older increase her responsibility. Good luck – parenting is never easy – but you know your girl best!
Thanks Laurie! I plan to talk to my husband about it this weekend and discuss with him, the feedback everyone has shared here on this post. I like the sliding scale fee idea too and I’d believe just the threat of it would be enough of a deterrent to keep her from forgetting next time and she’d never have to pay up. Thank you so much for your comment and for reminding me that I know her best!
Hi Heather
I’m in the UK where we don’t have to pay for medical care at all and not for medication for under 16s because we consider it to be a fundamental right to have medical care, whether we can afford it or not. I do, however, have an 11 year old daughter, who, for the most part is very sensible and mature and can be relied upon. Sometimes she does or says things that remind me that she is still a child and though I would like her to be more responsible / behave differently that it is just her age. I think that you seriously run the risk of your daughter not telling you about any problems so as to get out of having to pay and for potential increased issues in her ear, which I know that you, as I, would not want your daughter to go through.
My daughter is also financially motivated, so I know what you mean but how about making your daughter ‘work off’ the debt through chores or going without something else to the same value so that she sees that the money is not in unending supply. Or alternatively take away her swimming privileges each time it happens so that she see that you are taking steps to prevent your having to spend that money unnecessarily?
I hope you manage to come to a decision that you and your husband are happy with and that your daughter will learn from.
Rachel x
Thanks for the feedback, Rachel! I appreciate it, from a mom of an 11 year old to another. 🙂 Having her not tell me if something was wrong was one of my biggest concerns with the make her pay for it plan. I think the discussions we’ve been having with her are working and she seems to be taking more responsibility for things in general.
We haven’t set a money rule for her yet. We talked to her and let her know that we were thinking of either having her pay a portion of the bill or having to do extra chores if it happend again, but that we didn’t want it to come to that. We also told her that we believed in her and we know that she is a responsible girl and she assured us that the lesson had been learned.
There will be some swimming outings this week and weekend and I believe this experience, being fresh in her mind, will be enough of a reminder. I’ll be interested to see how she does. I’m feeling pretty confident in her right now, so my fingers are crossed! Thanks so much for your comment!
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