How can I get my friends to pay me back the money they owe me?
Since I was in the sixth grade I’ve had the same core group of best friends. We bicker, gossip, and lean on each other just like sisters. When we were younger we would always take turns paying for things. If one of us didn’t have cash, it was never a problem. They would buy the next time. This system worked for us and no one ever felt they were owed money.
Those were small purchases, a bagel here, a coffee there. When my friends skipped out on paying for the New Year’s Eve hotel room we split, it was a big hit to my bank account. Now, I’m struggling to find a way to ask my friends to pay me back without ruining those friendships.
How do I ask friends for the money they owe me?
Last month, I spent $1,400 in 4 days. Whoops! I’ve started to try to rebuild my savings so the money that my friends owe me would be really helpful. Between hotel and parking, they owe me about $200. I’ve asked my friends to pay me back a few times already but they keep telling me that they’ll pay me the next time they have cash or will just pay for my dinner next time we’re out. I can see where they’re coming from, as this is how we’ve always done things.
The problem is, that I’m going to be cutting back on going out (especially out to dinner) and would much rather have the cash. I’m worried if I press the issue my friends will be hurt or think I don’t trust them.
Here are some of my concerns and ideas on how to fix the situation.
1. If I don’t keep asking my friends for the money, they either never will or won’t for a long time.
2. My friends will be offended if I ask them for cash instead of going by our usual “pay-back” method.
3. If I do keep asking them to pay me back, they’ll feel that I’m pestering them or don’t trust them, and be annoyed with me.
My ideas to get my money back!
1. Remind them to pay me back before the next time we get together by saying something like, “Hey! Would you mind bringing me the money you owe me today? I’ve been running low on cash lately.”
2. Ask them to pay me back the next time we’re together. (I’ve already done this though and they haven’t had the cash on them.)
3. Just call them and ask. They’re my friends for a reason, right? Maybe being upfront and just asking is the best way to handle the situation.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that my friends should pay me back. I just want to make sure no one’s feelings are hurt in this process.
Welcome to Bargain Babe! I’m Mara, and I’m so glad you’re here. I am an obsessive bargain hunter and penny pincher, and I am determined to live a full life without EVER paying full price.
This is a very difficult situation–I know you want your money-I would too in the same situation! I DID (notice the past tense) friend who behaved in a similar manner-only, in the checking account of life, she made far more withdrawals than deposits…
I was seeing a counselor, & he suggested that the next time she wants to go out to eat (I usually picked up the tab) that I tell her, “I have enough for my meal, if you have enough for your meal then we can stop—the 1st time I said that, it worked–the 2nd time I said that, she ordered more than what she had $ to pay, and then pushed the check over towards me, and said she didn’t have enough money….and…she still owes me money over 10 years later…and she tried to sabotage my job at work…life is too short, and loyalty is very important to me!
Hi Barb! That is a crazy story. I’m sorry that you had to go through that with your friend. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she deserved your friendship and loyalty. Your story makes me more hesitant about lending money and I am going to refrain from doing so in the future. I tend to be very trusting, but it seems that lending or borrowing money can create strain in friendships that are unnecessary and uncomfortable. Next time, I will collect money upfront. Any friend that would take advantage of another’s generosity isn’t a friend I want to have. Luckily, my story had a happy ending. I gained confidence from these comments and reached out to my friends. Yesterday, I received all the money I was owed! Yay!
I would figure out what each person’s share was for the hotel– a hotel stay is a little different than paying for a cup of coffee and I am assuming everyone agreed to the hotel idea and that it was being split evenly. I would scan the hotel receipt and email it in a group email saying that you paid but do need to have everyone pay their share as agreed! And ask them to please reimburse you by a specific date– maybe two weeks. And ai have a deal when ai go out with friends that we just pay our own costs– my husband likes to have soups, appetizers and desserts while another couple may split an entree so we ask for separate bills or keep a menu and pay for what is our cost.
Hi Jan! I took your advice and it was a success! I asked my friends to bring the money they owed to my Super Bowl party the next day. I also said that if they needed more time I would appreciate being paid within the next two weeks because I was running low on cash. My friends all brought the money they owed to the party (much sooner than I expected) and did not make me feel uncomfortable for asking them to pay me back.
I love your idea for asking for paying for your own costs at dinner. I’ve run into this problem many times with my friends. My boyfriend and I tend to split meals and drink water (we’re on a budget) but my friends buy whatever they like. Then, they ask to split the bill evenly. It becomes awkward because we know our meals cost significantly less. Asking for separate bills will help us avoid that whole situation. Thanks for the tip!
I vote for #3 to get your money back. A true friend will be honorable and pay you sooner rather than later. Can it be that one reason they are your friends is because they know you are afraid to be proactive with them? Rather than ASK for what is rightfully yours, I suggest you firmly and courteously TELL them you need the money and would like it repaid by a specific date. Now I can picture you feeling you owe them an explanation of why you need the money. You don’t owe them anything; they owe you! You don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt? How about YOURS? You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Stiffen up that backbone, Dacia! That Shakespeare guy knew what he was talking about with “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”
Hi Diane,
I actually decided to go with a combination of emails and calls. I emailed my friends the receipt with a message saying that the payment had gone through and what they owed etc. Then I called to let them know that I had sent the e-mail (some of my friends don’t check their emails frequently) and asked them to bring a check or cash to my SuperBowl party the next day. I was surprised that everyone brought the check the next day AND no one was the least bit upset. In fact, they all apologized for forgetting. Thanks for the advice! Everyone’s comments made me feel much more comfortable reaching out to my friends for the money they owed me! 🙂
That’s wonderful news, Dacia! I’m glad no one was upset; I know that was a concern you had. Logically, why would someone be upset because you nicely and firmly requested what was owed you and past due? And what a great idea to contact each person by e-mail with the info you provided AND then a follow-up phone call! I bet you learned a few things from this experience. 🙂
Well done, Girl!
I would email them too. Tell them you would normally be okay with waiting or them juat paying your portion next dinner but that you need that money specifically by a certain date for a purchase. Ie valentines gift for your boyfriend or birthday gift for your mother
had this happen once, took forever to get my mula. Next time, I would state that “I only have $____ on me for dinner, so where can we go? This sets amount out first. Next always say to the waitperson, separate checks. Because sometimes people order a lot, and others minimal. Give specific dates to your friends as when you need the returned amount of money, you can claim your bank account will go in the red if not collected…it may or not be true, you could even say you’ll be by their home/work/etc. to pick it up, ‘if that’s more convenient’. I pay my bills on time, and I don’t borrow money/nor lend money to friends. That’s what banks & families are for. I have heard stories about friendships breaking up over money owed. Let this be a lesson to other.