I had a nagging feeling Sunday morning that the memory jar I created for my Mom was just not enough. I did not spend a penny on the gift, though it did take me about an hour to assemble it and make a card. I even hid the present from my older sister, who gives really good gifts, because I was ashamed. My Mom deserves more, I thought.
Why is money so important when it comes to gifts?
I think it’s a combination of being taught and trained over the years that gifts are something you buy for another person. This message is reinforced by ads, marketing, and commercials. The gift of time or thoughtfulness is “just being nice.”
To hedge my bets, I woke up early on Mother’s Day and filled my Mom’s gas tank. When I told her she smiled and said thank you. I could tell she appreciated the gift, but it wasn’t something she would remember.
Later in the day I gave her the memory jar and my card. When she saw it she started to cry. “It was so nice of you to remember,” she said. And I know she will remember it.
As my Mom pulled out the slips of paper, she shared stories about the memories my siblings and I had put in the jar. We ended up talking about the important role music played (no pun intended) in our family’s life and decided to go hear live blues harmonica that night!
I felt much better about my gift after my Mom opened it and liked it. But I still have not completely accepted that my time and thoughtfulness are valuable gifts. What’s your philosophy towards gifts? How do you think I should get over my gift conundrum?
Related posts:
Saying no to gift gifing – one reader’s journey on a gift moratorium
Gift finder for every personality – a helpful Web site
Anything but scissors for my birthday – a woman’s plea for a decent gift from her husband
Welcome to Bargain Babe! I’m Mara, and I’m so glad you’re here. I am an obsessive bargain hunter and penny pincher, and I am determined to live a full life without EVER paying full price.
I feel the same way. I gave my friend a very personal frame that I had made for her baby shower, and I spent probably 6-8 hours on it, but I still felt as though I should have bought her something. I know I appreciate gifts I receive that have some personal touch to them, but I always feel inadequate when I give that same kind of gift.
I think it will take time and practice to change my thinking about giving gifts.
A gift created from sincere love and affection is NEVER wrong or out of style. And will always be remembered by the recipient. The dollar cost is not relevant. With all due respect, the idea that the cost or dollar value of a gift is an indicator of how much you love someone is pure hogwash. I still have, and proudly display, a loving note given to me by my youngest son on Father’s Day. I honestly can’t recall what I received on other Dad’s Days, but I cherish this one. And will forever…
That’s so sweet. I’m glad to hear that parents remember things like this.
I think if you are a parent and a child gives you something like you gave your mom, there is no amount of money that can replace that gift. I would have cried too, because it showed that you cared enough to spend time on something you knew she would get pleasure from. Spending money doesn’t take but a minute, and maybe 10 or so deciding what to get. This was a great thing you did for her.
Dear Bargain Babe,
When I talked to Mom on Mother’s Day she was delighted with the memory jar and said “that must have taken a long time to make. You must have spent a lot of time thinking about me” This was really important to her-it showed that by making the gift which was a collection of thoughts related to her, we spent time on her. Also, now that her kids are adults, reflecting on ALL that she has done for us throughout childhood and now is important. the memory jar was a physical reminder of how much we appreciated her mothering from as far back as we can remember. your other reader already called it – priceless.
maybe the more you give homemade gifts, the easier it will be to become used to the feeling that putting your thoughtful effort into something for someone else has its own wonderful inherent value. In some ways, it’s incomparable to purchased gifts.
Another example-for me the most memorable and special part of Christmas morning was the reading of each of the poem’s that we wrote for each other.
Love always,
your NY sis
I think you are onto something. The more I give homemade gifts that are really a gift of time and thought, the more I will get used to it and lose my guilt from not spending money. (As a non-practicing Catholic I should be able to give up guilt, right?) I hope we repeat the Christmas poem tradition – it was a lot of fun!
ironing is hard now for my mom so I got her a couple of no-iron shirts–I think it’s important to give a gift that shows you paid attention and care about the person–not just spending money. A shirt that would require ironing would have shown my mother that I didn’t notice that ironing has become more and more difficult for her and that she’d like to replace all her shirts with the no-iron ones from Lands End! It’s not the money–it’s the relationship and showing that you care that counts. Money’s tight and my husband got me flowers at Costco–I loved it!
Janet, Brooks Brothers also has great non-iron shirts. I got two at the Camarillo Outlets for $80 years ago and they still look great. Of course, now that I work from home I don’t dress up for the office. 🙂
My brother wrote our mom a list of all the important life lessons she had taught him that he lives by ti this day. I think it was her favorite gift from all her kids this year. It was just beautiful and all it was was two sheets of papers with his heart on it. Priceless.
Julia, I think that your Mother’s Day gift was perfect. What parent wouldn’t be moved to know that a child has good memories of shared experiences. We give gifts to affirm our bond with the recipient and to show our love. Remember the old song that goes “money can’t buy me love”. It’s giving love that gets you love in return. It’s too bad that our society places so much importance on money that we often feel guilty when the monetary value of a gift seems inadequate. If your gift made your mom happy, do you think she was calculating the cost or comparing it to how much other gifts might have cost? A gift from the heart has no price.
For my last birthday, money was tight for both my fiance and I, so I expected a hug and a kiss and that was it. And that’s all I wanted anyway – the gift of his time. When I came home from work he handed me a musical card that he had personalized and written a sweet note inside. It was so special to me and meant so much that the song played inside will likely be our first dance at our wedding.
I know he spent a great deal of time thinking of what to write and I still look at it regularly nearly 8 months later.
I’m sure your mother will look at the memory jar often and smile knowing how much her children love her.
Hi Bargain Babe,
I made a memory jar for my Mom and she loved it! She opened it in the restaurant and the waitress asked what it was and commented that she would copy the the idea. I had a lot of fun watching my Mom’s delight in reading the slips I placed in the jar. I told her that I’d add more slips as we make more memories. I think it will be one of her favorite gifts!