Before my daughter Lucy was born, I scowled at people who paid a premium for what I considered unnecessary luxuries. Accelerated service, pre-marinated meat, home delivery.
But since she came along five months ago, I’m tired, pressed for time, and I’ve been bleeding money where I would never have before. Am I losing my frugal edge?
Here are three examples. I know there are more, but I can’t remember them. I blame sleep deprivation!
1. At the airport I lugged two bags to the curb, then hefted the stroller, car seat, and baby to safety. I was traveling alone with a three month old, and the driver of the parking lot van wasn’t much help. I had fully intended to drag everything into the check out line inside when a valet popped up in front of me.
“Curbside check in?”
“Yes,” was all I could muster. I lacked all strength to resist the convenience. He lifted away my bags, and my worries.
I tipped him five dollars. At the time, it seemed like a tiny amount of money. Why had I not done this before, I thought.
2. I was shopping for a birthday gift for my sister at Sur La Table (not exactly a bargain store, but for special occasions it’s easy to find something quickly – another sacrifice in the name of shopping with baby and finding what I need). At checkout, the cashier asked if I wanted gift wrap.
“How much does it cost??
“$5”
“How long does it take?”
“Less than 10 minutes.”
Five dollars seemed like a small amount to guarantee that my gift would be wrapped. Period. Lucy is an easy baby, but her schedule and needs are so unpredictable. And I was exhausted from waking up two to three times a night with her. Would I be able to find 15 minutes that afternoon to wrap it myself? And if I had 15 minutes, did I want to spend it wrapping a present?
I knew $5 would make the problem go away. I paid up.
3. Meals out. My husband and I have been eating out much more often now that baby is here. Some nights we order pizza. Some nights we hire a babysitter and eat out.
When I scan my credit card bill, half of the charges are restaurants. Half! That’s insane. But it’s so wonderful when someone brings you a delicious plate of food and you never have to clean up. Sigh.
I’m worried I’m getting into the habit of paying to make tough situations go away. How do you maintain your resolve to be frugal under stress?
Welcome to Bargain Babe! I’m Mara, and I’m so glad you’re here. I am an obsessive bargain hunter and penny pincher, and I am determined to live a full life without EVER paying full price.
It could be you’re looking at it wrong. You’re not necessarily paying for tough situation to go away – you’re paying to free up your time and energy to do other things. You’re paying for another’s expertise so you can focus on your expertise.
Example – I pay for Amazon Prime. It’s kinda expensive. But it allows me to shop without leaving the house and dragging the kids out (which could mean spending on them as well). It also means I stay home and work on my business rather than drain my time and energy trying to find a lower price and doing everything myself.
You still have to be careful. It’s easy to rationalize your spending. But sometimes you need to protect your time and energy too.
BB, if you don’t “splurge” on certain things when you have a baby, you will be spending money on a therapist since you will be so stressed! $5 here and there is much less than seeking professional help! A
First, I totally understand your sleep deprivation — my 1-year-old still has trouble sleeping through the night.
Second, I don’t think the first two examples are big issues since they’re one-time conveniences. But, the third one — eating out — looks like it’s becoming a habit. For that, I have two suggestions that have worked for us: convenience foods from the grocery store and cooking ahead when you can.
Buying convenience foods from the grocery store will still be cheaper than eating out, and it’s much easier than cooking from scratch. My husband and I used to love making meals from scratch, but it’s not realistic right now. So, we’ll buy roasted chickens from the grocery store deli, bagged salad or frozen veggies, and fresh bread from the bakery or a refrigerated tube of biscuit dough to bake at home. It’s not as cheap as making it all ourselves, but it is MUCH easier, especially when you’re so tired you’re falling asleep on the couch at 8 p.m. (see: me last night).
Second, when you can, find out what you can cook without supervision or make more when you do have lots of hands-on time. If you have a slow cooker, it’s as easy as dumping food in during baby’s morning naptime and then scooping it out at dinner time (find great recipes on A Year of Slow Cooking). Or make one-pot meals quickly using your rice cooker or get to know your microwave — look for Barbara Kafka’s “Microwave Gourmet” at your library for ideas.
Alternately, if you or your husband can cook dinner, make more of something. For example, my husband made homemade marinara for spaghetti one night. He made too much sauce/gravy and I used it to make a quick lasagna later that week. We’ll also grill too many chicken breasts so we can cut them up for salads, sandwiches, burritos and quesadillas later in the week. I’ve also done the same with making too much corn on the cob — just remove the silk and through it in the fridge. There’s nothing more satisfying than eating cold corn off the cob on a hot day, or you can cut the kernels off and use it in a salad. Also, since it’s summer, take advantage of all the fresh fruit — all you have to do is rinse and eat.
Anyway, even if you can’t implement any of these ideas, just know that these “costly conveniences” are temporary fixes for a short-term problem. Eventually, your baby’s schedule will coalesce into something more manageable and she’ll be independent before you know it (my son plays by himself for up to an hour sometimes!). So, take a deep breath and remind yourself of that, even if you feel like you’re losing your “frugal edge.” Good luck!
I totally approve of taking advantage of any help while traveling with a child, especially a babe in arms. This is not a weekly occurrence, so it’s not likely to ruin your budget. I agree with Lorena about planning meals based on cooking once and eating a few more times. Eating out/ordering in can easily become a habit that could be a budget buster. Common sense has to prevail in most instances. My husband and I used to have “date night” at least once a month when the kids were young, and more often if we had a bit of extra cash. We simply put our loose change and single bills into a “kitty” to be used for that purpose. Hence, no accumulation of credit card bills!
I have no baby but I am single. I make big pots of soups,stews or brisket and freeze the extra portions. The prep involves a little extra chopping but the cooking time is about the same (just a little extra time to come up to a boil). You always have good food in the freezer (and you know what’s in it) and it can be thawed ahead or in the microwave and cooked. Much cheaper than eating out.
If you can plan your meals, arrange to do the cooking all on one day and just reheat as the week goes on. Maybe hubby can take the baby to the park for a while and give you a break, or maybe you can get him to cook and you can enjoy the baby.
I have to agree with the others about numbers one and two. She isn’t going to be a baby forever and a little bit of extra money spent now so that you can spend more time with her is well worth it.
We have also fallen into the trap of eating out too often, but it can be gotten out of. I love using my crock pot for meals because, with just a bit of prep in the morning, I don’t have to do much later except make a salad or a vegetable to go with the main dish. Also, even with my family, there are always leftovers that can either be frozen or, in our case, my husband can bring to lunch that same week.
Bargain Babe, I am right there with you. I have two small boys and I’ve been beating myself up for spending on stuff I wouldn’t normally spring for…
-mail order food. Omaha steaks had a great bargain and I bought it. Because it was delivered to my house.
-library book fines. Oops.
-Good coffee.
-Amazon Mom (or Amazon Prime, whatever it goes by now) is just too convenient.
-Not cutting coupons. Not going to three different grocery stores to get the best deals at each store. It’s just too hard. And I don’t want to torture my boys by running errands non stop.
-Not getting my $.05 off at Target for bringing my reusable bag b/c I forgot them all in the car.
I figure if our budget can handle it, it’s worth keeping naptimes on schedule.
have a veggie steamer? i love mine. you can cook rice/veggies in it. you set it up and can walk away. no more worries about burned rice. i make a pot of rice for a few meals. when hungry, i just add whatever is in the frig/freezer. it’s different every time.
when the baby naps, you nap. then you have energy. i used to do things while baby slept. then i was exhausted. naps were invented for mom’s!
if you are lucky enough to shop without lucy, buy doubles of everything. there is less to buy when you have her!
cherish these days as they don’t last forever and she is only young once.
crockpot worked wonders for us. Convenience foods, like the roast chicken, and such come in very handy.
Yes..Lorena is right on…the other things like airport or fancy store…happen once in a while…it is the restaurant eating that will do your budget in…convenience foods will help lower your daily costs..
Now the budgeting fun really begins. I agree with everyone that says #1 & #2 are worthy expenses. Especially #1 which is just part of the cost of traveling until the kids are old enough to carry their own stuff. #2 I have solved by just wrapping everything in tissue paper put into a gift bag (which I buy at yard sales whenever I see them – which is often). Now #3 is a big deal because that is not going to go away and has lots of ramifications. First of all, almost all food that you buy at a restaurant (fast or slow) is not organic, has been processed and is full of pesticides or chemicals. No matter what you pay for this food, you are paying too much. You are not getting your money’s worth in actual nutrition. Secondly, YOU are the person that is going to teach your child about good nutrition. YOU are the person that is going to teach her that fresh veggies taste better than a McDonald’s hamburger… or maybe you won’t. The food choices you make now will effect Lucy for the rest of her life. Having a kid who loves nutritious food will save you a ton in medical expenses later on. So, what’s a busy and frugal mom to do? Put together a group and meal swap – just like I wrote about in http://bargainbabe.com/2012/04/24/how-to-set-up-a-meal-swap/
You may need to get a bigger freezer (see if you can find on on freecycle), but it’s worth it to have a stash of real food ready to be warmed up on your stove or toaster oven.
As always, Bobbi came up with detailed ideas about meal-planning and making sure your food is nutritious and pest and chemical free. Training kids to have good eating habits starts with the get-go, and continues for what seems like forever. Other people’s comments also offered good ideas for prepping and freezing meals. Choose what will work for you and your family needs, and go from there. Time savers are such a blessing!
I love this article! I can really hear you saying this Julia! And I can also hear Lucy in the background :). So cute! I can’t really give you any mommy advice, but all I can say is that having a baby is tough and things aren’t as easy as they were before. You’re doing great!
Lorena’s and Bobbi’s detailed comments about cooking and how to manage it now are wonderful. I want to recommend the book “Parents Need to Eat Too” by Debbie Koenig (she blogs at debbiekoenig.com) is really helpful. For example, she has a chapter on things you can prepare in stages –so, during naps — and another on things you can eat one-handed. I wish it had been published when my kids were babies, and I’ve been giving it to friends who are new parents!
Quit beating yourself up. At times a good day may just be a shower, clean clothes and combed hair. Prep when you feel better and save when you can. Enjoy the baby they grow up so fast/
I know I’m a little late commenting here, but as a mom of 5, I get this. Just last night I was up until 11, (my “quiet” time), and I roasted a whole chicken which will grow up to be chicken salad sandwiches, chicken fajitas, garlic chicken and pasta, chicken and gravy on rice, etc. Sometimes I even buy rotisserie chickens when they’re on sale…gasp! Make you own frozen hamburgers or chicken burgers and freeze them between cut up cereal liners…AKA free wax paper…in ziploc bags. I even line my 13 x 9 pans with foil so that clean up is kept at a minimum. Also, to stave off takeout, I make stir fry and keep it in the fridge. I have also found that keeping a packed “to go” bag by the door is handy, you know, full of all those things you forget, and keeping a cleaning caddy, like the kind from the dollar store, full of diaper changing supplies is handy. As far as gift wrapping goes, I wrap gifts mostly in gift bags with coordinating tissue paper.