How readers feel about taking money from parents

My post about whether it is okay to accept money from parents generated some thoughtful – and some angry – comments. So far 134 readers voted in the poll:

• 31 percent would accept money from parents only as a last resort
• 25 percent would do it if it made sense
• 19 percent regularly accept money/in-kind gifts from parents
• 16 percent would never take parental cash
• 7 percent have taken money in the past but don’t plan to again

Reader A resisted judging the situation:

Honestly, I think this is a very loaded topic and can’t easily be summarized in a quick and easy pick on an online poll. There are so many variables that factor into the decision or reality of accepting money from your parents — are you responsible with money yourself? are you parents actually not doing you a service by offering it to you? if eventually they are going to have a few million left when they die, might it be better for them to gift to you over time and now when it could be more helpful? are they giving equally to all the kids in the family? how does your spouse/partner feel about the gifts? I hope everyone realizes that it’s way more complicated a discussion than a quick click of “Are you kidding me? Absolutely not” or “Sure, if it made sense.”

Reader Bob took exception to my blog post, which also ran in the New Jersey Star-Ledger.

The fact that this title even made it into the business section sums up how bad entitlement issues to our children – of all ages – has become. Julia – How about writing an article titled “There’s no shame in moving into a more affordable neighborhood”, “There’s no shame in working a 2nd Job”, “There’ no shame in skipping a vacation”, or “There’s no shame in eating at home on Saturday nights”. 

Blakely had a different take:

My inlaws paid for a cruise for my husband and I last year. This trip included my brother-in-law and girlfriend who couldn’t have gone in my inlaws had not paid. My husband had no problem accepting it.

I do believe most of us have accepted help/large gift from our parents at one time or another in our adult life. I think the problem comes when it becomes habitual instead of an occational thing.

Reader Myke says borrowing from parents is the way to go:

When my parents were alive I did deal with “HOME SAVINGS”. When I bought my car they loaned me money. I made up a payment schedule which included interest – usually the mid-point between what the bank wanted for the car loan and what my parents could get for their money leaving it in the bank. It was a win-win situation for both of us. I repaid every cent on time.

If you can’t live on what you make you may need to scale down your lifestyle and expectations. What will you do when your parents are dead and you are stuck paying for a funeral. It will be a very rude awakening for you when you have no inheritance to supplement your spending because you used it all up while your parents were still alive.

Remember, if your parents use up their savings cushion, they may have to move in with YOU!!!

Jenni P. hopes her parents won’t have to borrow from her:

The problem with our society (and why so many readers identify with BB’s website premise of saving money where we can) is that we tend to live beyond our means. My in-laws are in that category, trying to retire but not able to afford their lifestyle if they do. Their “golden” years will be a downsizing event of huge proportions. Their daughter is angry that very little money will be left for her to inherit. I’m not: as long as we don’t end up paying for THEM, we’ll all be happy.