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I’ve been feeling generous towards a low-income friend lately. Not that he needs any help, but I am able to give it. I’m not interested in giving this friend a loan, but I’m considering subsidizing various activities with him, like picking up the lunch tab or treating him to a movie.
The prospect of giving gifts to a friend outside of Christmas, birthdays, and special occasions makes me nervous. Is this even appropriate? Will I hurt his pride? I called etiquette expert Nancy Mitchell for tips. Here’s what she advised.
What are the rules when it comes to giving gifts to friends?
I think the number one rule is to know the friend and know how to proceed. Would the person be wiling to accept things or is the person extremely proud and you’ll have to use subterfuge?
Let’s start with the person who may be very proud and not be willing to take what they think is charity. You can call them up and say, I got a gift certificate to a restaurant or theater. I would love to have you come with me, are you available? They might not have to know you went out and bought the gift certificate yourself.
Or say, Someone gave me two tickets to the hockey game. Would you like to go? If you had a friend who had children, give child care once and a while. I’d love to babysit sometime. Can I babysit and give you an evening out? Or say ‘I’ve got too much of a certain product. Pass things on, share some of the wealth. Offer to share frequent flyer miles.
Is it ethical to give gifts like this to friends who, if they knew the whole story, would say no?
I think it is because you don’t have an ulterior motive. You are giving from your heart and you are showing great sensitivity to someone’s situation. It’s not going to hurt anyone, it’s going to help.
What are the no-nos of giving?
You would never let anyone in on the secret. It’s between you and whoever is the recipient. Because if the cat got out of the bag there could be some hard feelings.
What about if your friend is open to receiving gifts? (more…)
