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Has saving money ever caused you embarrassment? I unwittingly shamed two friends one night after we walked into a cupcake store, hungry for sugar. We greeted the cashier and surveyed the sweets, almost a dozen on the shelf. I smelled a discount.
“How late are you open? I asked.
Until ten, he said. It was eight-thirty.
“You have a lot of cupcakes left. Do you think you’ll be able to sell them all?”
He laughed nervously. “Maybe.”
“We’d like to buy some of your cupcakes. How about a discount, say 10-20% off?
“Okay, 10%.”
I grinned at my friends. “What kind do you want?”
We kept it simple: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. As the cashier was boxing the cupcakes up, he made me a counter offer.
“How about instead of a 10% discount I give you an extra cupcake?”
Score!
We picked green tea. On a bench outside we gobbled down our frosted treats. I headed back into the store for a cup of water and on my way back out I caught the end of my friends’ conversation.
“Does that embarrass you – the discount?”
“What?” I said.
“Yes, I am embarrassed when she asks for a discount,” my friend said to the other.
“What?” I repeated. “Why are you embarrassed when I ask for a discount?”
My friend turned to me. “It’s like you’re saying he’s charging too much.”
“But he doesn’t have to give it to us – and we still would have bought the cupcakes!”
All quiet.
I couldn’t understand why they were embarrassed and they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t embarrassed.
Days later, I’m still trying to figure it out. Am I so comfortable asking for a discount that I don’t realize when haggling is inappropriate? I mean, is haggling ever inappropriate???
Should I haggle in front of my friends more often so they get used to it? Or should I respect their comfort zone and keep quiet?
I care about my friends and am not about to drop them because of their fiscal folly (as I see it). Instead, I’m going to take this opportunity to explain why I negotiate. Maybe if they understand me better, I’ll make two bargain babes out of them.
I negotiate because it works almost half the time.
I negotiate because I’m not scared to get turned down.
I negotiate because I’ve learned how to do it in a way that is respectful and non-confrontational.
I negotiate because it’s fun.
I negotiate because it saves me money. (Duh!)
I negotiate because then I have more money for other things.
I negotiate because I can.
Why do you ask for a discount? Why do you not? Are there psychological reasons why you do or don’t haggle?
September 9th, 2010 at 11:20 am
My husband is the discount King, and initially I did get embarrassed when he would negotiate or ask for lower prices. I am extremely shy, but I have learned that I have found my own voice when it comes to discounts as it related to coupons. My husband has acquired and negotiated many thing for our home including crown molding, ceiling fans, and roofing materials. He always stays close by when we go to the flea market to ensure that I am not overpaying for anything. I on the other hand love to share my coupon savings and have recruited a lot of others to save as well. I do often ask others if I am going overboard with the information because I do not want to offend anyone. I think negotiating takes a certain comfort level, and although I am not there with many things I love the fact that my husband has the comfort level that I do not. I encourage to continue asking for the discounts and you will eventually have them doing it as well.
September 9th, 2010 at 11:36 am
Everybody knows I’m the cheap one so they expect me to whip out a coupon or ask for a discount. I don’t think I embarrass my friends but I never really thought about it. (Oh, man, I smell a blog post coming on. LOL)
September 9th, 2010 at 11:39 am
According to your story, you did it in a really respectful way. I think your friends may be embarrassed because they do not realize the power they themselves have over how they choose to use, spend and save money. I use similar strategies when making a purchase. I <3 haggling and keep it on the light yet firm side. I think the cupcake situation was a win-win.
September 9th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
they need to get over it you got a free cake score i would do it and do they not know ur the bargain babe they should expect it
September 9th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
I don’t know…during a recession, I’d hesitate before I asked a small business owner for a discount. I totally get being a bargain babe…but I’m with your friends on this one. It seems petty.
September 9th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
At 8:30 at night, they are almost day-old – and then they might be 50 percent off. Where is the problem? My local Ralphs -open 24 hours- cleans out their hot food area at 8PM and sells what is left for half-price, including the roasted chickens.
September 9th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
I’m a coupon queen, but have never felt comfortable bargaining. However, I do love it that others are able to do so, and never feel uncomfortable when they do. Seems silly to get upset with a bargaining friend, especially when you’re in on the ‘score!’
September 9th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Of course some people don’t feel comfortable haggling. Sometimes i do and sometimes I don’t. And frankly anyone who is on your email list probably doesn’t mind. Did you ask your friends if you were rude or too aggressive. Chances are they would say no.
Most of us never learned how to ask for a discount but it is a new world and we can learn. And thanks for helping us learn.
September 9th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
I agree with Erica. Negotiating becomes a powerful tool when the money is tight! My kids are embarrassed when I negotiate or pull out a coupon but they’re learning the word of empowerment! My son is now in college and has earned his own spending money. He has learned to shop around to get the best price because he now knows the value of HIS earned money.
Just today, I negotiated a payoff on my propane account. The provider removed the closeout fee and late fees and I said that’s not enough. I offered a price and they accepted. I saved $138.00! It never hurts to ask!
September 9th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Embarrassment over this is most definitely their issue. Some folks are afraid to come across as “poor” when they haggle, but it’s the rich people that haggle the most!
I say, keep doing it and teach them the benefits…and point out the rich hagglers when you can!
September 9th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
I love a bargain as much as the next person, but as a bakery owner myself I am offended when asked for a discount. I make every effort to price my products fairly, and asking me for a discount suggests you think I am overcharging you or my products are not worth it. Please remember that businesses like these are small businesses often run by families like mine. And with our leftover product that we cannot sell, we will donate to those who really can’t afford it.
September 9th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Would your friends pay sticker price on a car? And take the first offer on a house? I didn’t think so.
I’m starting to get the feeling that Americans aren’t as savvy at shopping as we used to be. It’s become a point of pride that we can afford to pay retail with no negotiating.
I don’t see what you were doing as ‘haggling’, so much as you came to an agreement. It happens all the time at flea markets, mom & pop stores, pawn shops. You’re building a relationship. Even in places where the prices are firm (the store owner has a bottom line, after all) you should expect really good customer service and maybe extras.
Be happy with your cupcake and tell people how delicious they are.
September 9th, 2010 at 1:39 pm
A girlfriend was surprised that I was not uncomfortable when on our second date my now husband used a coupon. I never understood the reason to be embarrasment, after all I like to use coupons too. Now that we’ve been married 8 years, I know that he likes a good deal, but is not shy about spending money on special treats for me.
If your friends were uncomfortable, they could have paid the full price. Or, tell them, whatever they save, they can donate to charity to feed people who can’t afford the extra muffin.
September 9th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
@Harvey Good point! A lot of bakeries and grocers put products on sale by half off at the end of the day.
@EllieD I’m surprised you don’t bargain. I was very uncomfortable with it when I started, but I’ve learned a lot by trying. I never expect to get a discount, and am always pleasantly surprised when I do.
@Jeanne Hartman I wish I had asked my friends if I had been overly aggressive or rude. Would have helped me make my point.
@Tracie What I don’t get is that you, or any other bakery owner or merchant, has the right to decline a discount. Why not just say something like, Our prices are already very low. I’m sure you’ll feel it’s worth every penny!
@c.law I totally agree! Some people get an ego boost from “being able to pay full price.” I’m the type of person who gets an ego boost when I get a deal. To each their own, I suppose.
September 9th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
I agree with Tracie, there are times to bargain and there are times to just pay the price, especially in this economy. It would be embarassing to be with someone who tries to bargain and get a deal all the time no matter where you go with them.
September 9th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
I’ve asked for discounts several times after hearing how others do it BUT I’ve never convinced anyone to aree. Is there a secret?
September 9th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
The issue at a bakery or small business is that asking for a discount makes it seem that the customer doesn’t value the product.
I worked in a small startup and we made food-and it was expensive. But we weren’t yet making a profit, and everything was handmade with the best ingredients in small batches-essentially home-made.
If someone asked for a discount, it felt as though the customer did not understand the value and did not appreciate what went into our products. Or worse, that they assumed we were price gouging when in fact we often didn’t include labor or overhead in prices in order to make them as affordable as possible.
I think it’s the assumptions-that the product isn’t worth the price or that the seller is gouging the buyer-that can be offensive.
It’s important to look at things from both sides. See it from the seller/artisan/craftsman’s perspective as well as the buyer’s perspective.
Using a coupon is different-in that case, the seller is offering the discount.
September 9th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
I think it was tacky to haggle over a cupcake, Bargain Babe. I use coupons and would “deal over a car” but a local bakery – oh no, I would be embarrassed. I can afford a cupcake or two.
September 9th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
This is a tough one. The cashier was willing to bargain and even made a counteroffer. On the other hand, Tracie, AdventureGirl, and Diana all made compelling arguments. Perhaps it’s like “picking your battles”; choose your bargaining. Scoring for the sake of scoring–I don’t know.
September 10th, 2010 at 6:04 am
I’m on the edge on this one; I could see where they may be embarrassed, but if they are true friends, they should know how you deal with things. You can always ask. but you never know what the answer will be.
September 10th, 2010 at 7:57 am
I’ve been on both sides. I once owned a very small giftbasket business and I would get requests all the time for discounts. At first, I would take it personally – that these people were insinuating I was overpricing, or did they not understand how much work went into these designs, etc – but eventually I started to think about myself as the customer and hey, the worst that can happen is you ask and the vendor says no. So if it was for a large order, I might agree to a discount, or try to upsell with a discount (if you buy x and y, I’ll offer z). If the order was already bare bones, I’d say No, sorry, can’t do a discount here.
I think many people (and I’m very much including myself) need to stop taking everything so personally. It’s something I’m still working on
As a result, I see nothing wrong with asking for a discount.
September 10th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
I can never dare do this in a Sprinkles cupcakes shop. But like you said, it is already a day old.
September 10th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
I think the Owner handled it perfectly. Rather than giving the discount, he threw in a little treat. That’s what would satisfy many of the customers that ask for a discount.
Having been on the owner’s side, I can understand the finances of the situation. But, its also a marketing opportunity. If a business plans its not as bad on the finances. Depending on the situation, its time to upsell (I’ll throw this in if you buy six instead of 3, or if you buy the premiums I’ll throw in a couple smaller items) or to get customer feedback on something new (try this and let me know how it goes, and I’ll give you a buck off), or to have a planned item ready for discounting (I can give you a discount on these items, but those aren’t eligible) so that the customer leaves the items with the higher potential profit margins.
I think the problem tends to be that most business owners go on offensive because they lack the time to assess the situation and find that the people are just being cheap vs. dedicated customers who will heart the brand if the owner throws them a bone now and then.
I don’t always ask for a discount but as I get older I find myself wondering more and more about it with clerks. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at several businesses giving them to me – and in turn, I’ve spread good recommendations about them to my friends and family.
September 10th, 2010 at 12:58 pm
I don’t think i would bargain for a cupcake or small trivial things. Maybe at a farmer’s market, because it’s almost expected, or of course high ticket items. It is a bit strange to haggle 10 off a cupcake or two.
September 10th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
This is really interesting and something any of us frugal people have dealt with in the past. I’ve found myself being way more “aggressive” when asking for discounts when around people who have a similar mindset. It’s probably stupid of me, but I get shy about doing that kind of thing around certain groups of friends because I’m afraid at how I’ll be judged. In this case, I think what you did isn’t even that “cheap”…I think it worked out great for you and the cupcake owner. As you said, he could have said “no” but decided it was OK.
September 10th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Don’t go to a fancy cupcake bakery in the fancy part of town unless you are willing to pay fancy cupcake prices. Just think of how much the rent is for a store like that. It isn’t hard to see why they need to charge what they do for cupcakes
September 10th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Also, The fact that the bakery is open until 10 PM means that it is more of a dessert shop that people go to after eating out. I don’t think that they would be up at 4 AM with Fred the baker making the donuts!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwfrBbNo5Jg
September 10th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
@Dan Just because something is fancy or high-priced doesn’t mean you can’t haggle!
Price has less to do with it than the circumstances around the sale. Like @Diane said, you have to pick your battles. I only ask for a discount when I think there are mitigating circumstances in my favor. For instance, the shop owner is nearing closing and wants to sell the rest of his goods, the merchandise is damaged in some way, I’m buying in bulk, I can pay in cash, I’m a loyal customer, etc. There are lots of reasons why I ask for a discount – but one of them is not that I think I should be able to pay less.
@Connie You are so right! When someone like me asks for a discount, it’s really an opportunity for the store to bargain back. The cupcake cashier could have said, I can give you a discount if you buy six, or I can give you a coupon for your next visit, or he could have declined. There is room for creativity. My sense is that a lot of people, including business owners, aren’t comfortable with negotiating one way or the other.
@fairydust Sounds like you’ve come full circle. The more you understand both sides of the issue, the less likely you are to take something personally!
September 11th, 2010 at 8:42 am
I want to also say, not every store donates their leftovers at the end of the day, so really, you could have been saving a cupcake or two from being thrown in the trash. I worked at a business that rather than discount or donate things, we sold them full price until the expiration date, then tossed them…broke my heart seeing that.
So, really, Bargain Babe, you might have helped the environment by keeping a little more from the dumpster!
September 11th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
I think most people don’t ask for 2 reasons
1. People hate to be told NO
2. As someone mentioned earlier, the possibility that they may be perceived as poor
September 11th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Agreed Janet. Being told “no” feels pretty bad. When it’s “yes,” it’s not nearly as bad. Good point.
September 11th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
I absolutely love a bargain, and don’t mind doing a little haggling for it. I’m never, EVER willing to pay more than I simply *must* for something, hence I will accumulate craft supplies over time because if I can buy it for 40% less with a coupon or a sale, why would I EVER pay full price?
That said, I’ve had some experience in retail. Some managers get irritated at what simply amounts to a customer trying to get the best deal possible and being unwilling to pay *more* than the best deal possible. Their perception of all of those customers it that they’re trying to get something for nothing, and it aggravates them.
I currently don’t have the discretion to just offer a customer a discount willy-nilly. My current manager is great to give good discounts (Pier One) but the other mgrs/keyholders…eh…not so much. However, rather than let a customer actually walk out the door without the sale, any of them would, however grudgingly, rather see that happen. It actually did happen the other day when I couldn’t come up with a table still in the box and the customer didn’t like the little gouge in the leg. Rather then let her leave and go somewhere else, even to another Pier One store, we could afford the 10% hit.
September 12th, 2010 at 11:58 am
Something similar happened to me, but as a customer, not an employee. There was a white wooden rocker at World Market that I really wanted (it was already on sale), but it needed to be assembled from a box. Not being handy, I asked whether it would be possible to have the floor model which was already assembled. I was turned down, so I left. On the last day of the sale, I decided to give it one more try. The store no longer had any left in the box, and only the floor model remained. I again asked whether I could buy that one. A VERY nice young man at the counter checked with “someone” (don’t know whether it was a manager), then said he could partially disassemble the chair so it would fit in my car, and would show me how to put it back together. I was so thrilled with this great PR that I actually tried and tried ’til I got the chair back together at home. I’d still paid the sale price, but felt doubly rewarded, and will continue to be a loyal customer at that store.
September 13th, 2010 at 6:26 am
@deniseinark and @Junie I think you are both onto something. As @deniseinark says, she can’t offer a discount willy-nilly and customers shouldn’t ask for them willy-nilly (which is why I suspect, Junie, that you haven’t had much luck). There should be a compelling reason why you are asking for a discount. Without that compelling reason, your chances for getting a discount just because you asked are slim to none.
September 13th, 2010 at 9:49 am
I just turned 65 and you better believe that I ask if there is a senior discount. The very worst that can happen is the person says no. We’ve all been told to try to bargain with big ticket items, why not small ones. You wouldn’t have tried for the discount at noon, 8:30 is fine.
September 16th, 2010 at 7:58 am
I think I can pinpoint the source of your friends’ “embarrassment”. An essential component of any negotiation is having a walk-away point. The store owner/worker had to believe that you might walk away if you did not get the discount, and he made his decision accordingly. I’m guessing your friends didn’t have the same walk-away point (ie, they wanted the cupcakes no matter what) so you placed them in an uncomfortable position by making a simple transaction into a negotiating process on their behalf without their permission. If you had clued them in beforehand about trying to get an end of the day discount (great idea!) they might have gone along with it and even helped you out! That way, everyone feels good – you, shopkeeper, friends.
September 18th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
To be honest, I’ve always been a little hesitant about haggling, even at swap meets. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about it, I just always figured that the price I saw was the price is it, especially at official places. At bakeries, though, I can understand, because at the end of the night, they’re just going to throw out anything they don’t sell, and it becomes a big waste.