I have never made anywhere close to what Hubby makes. Partly because I chose a profession – journalism – that is low-paying and partly because he has been working up the career ladder seven years longer than me. But we have always pooled our income and had equal rights to spending the total.
Now that I am making next to nothing as a blogger and freelancer (I totaled $6 in my first week), I feel uncomfortable about spending as much as Hubby does.
When I asked Hubby how he felt, he insisted I still had equal rights to our reduced income. But I am not so sure.
After all, I am the one who decided to quit my job and embrace entrepreneurial journalism. Why should I force my career decision, and its fiscal implications, on Hubby? Tell me what you think by voting and leaving a comment.
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February 2nd, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I saw a reality show that was giving a make-over to a couple that was about to get married & they had a financial advisor come in & help them adjust to the fact that money would be coming in from 2 sources & leaving through 2 sources.
What suggested is that each person have thier own account & then there would be one shared account (for the shared expeneses like mortgage & groceries).
It is up to each couple to decided how much would be shared & how much each person should keep.
I recommend that whenever a couple goes through a change (marriage, having a baby, losing/gaining a job, buying a home/moving) that you have a sit down with a financial advisor (a third party, non-biased) to get a professional opinion on how you should adapt financially to your new situation.
It will also help to reveal hot points that could eventually lead to conflict before they hit & learn more about each other & what each of you value.
February 2nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I am a stay-at-home mom. I do not make any money financially (except for the stuff we sell on CraigsList),and by no means, am I considered to have less spending power in the household simply b/c I do not bring any money. My husband needs me just as much as I need him. Without me, the kids would not be fed, homework would not be done, the household would not be clean nor managed. Definitely, he needs me evenif I don’t bring in an income. I work just as hard as he, and you can bet that if I want to spend money on ice cream of something I’ve been eye-ing in the stores (if it fits the budget), I have that “right” (even though we don’t see it as a tit-for-tat, I-deserve-this, you-deserve-that sort of thing)
February 2nd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
CW, I can appreciate your position. Raising your children does not earn you a salary, and yet you are contributing greatly to your family. Do you think you would feel differently if you were not making money because you were starting a new career?
February 2nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I think I would definitely spend less and feel the way you are (holding back on purchases) if I were starting a new career. I do think that in the end, my hubby would support me fully and still give me equal rights. If he sees me choosing to start a new career b/c it’s a dream of mine, he would support it fully just as I would support him fully if ever he wanted to start his own business. In time, I believe I would gain my earning power (just as he would if he started his own business–it would just take time & patience). I think a real partnership is such that money is considered “ours” and not yours vs. mine. You have a loving husband, and I think you are considerate to hold back b/c of your new career. but in the end, what’s his is also yours. At least, that is how I believe my husband and I would view money in our marriage.
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
My husband and I have always pooled our incomes. There is no “mine” and “yours”, just “ours”. I think, though, the you are feeling you should cut back on spending because your total income as a couple is less. Truthfully, you both should cut back on expenses if necessary, because you are partners, and you support one another. If he were in your position and you were bringing in the income, would you even have this discussion?
February 2nd, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Sue, you bring up an interesting point. If it were Hubby starting his own business and bringing in no income, would we talk about how to divide up the money? We probably would, just because money is always on my brain. But I wonder if for a lot of couples there is sort of a double standard. Is it more accepted for men to be entrepreneurs than women?
February 5th, 2009 at 12:20 am
Our situation is what Heather reported the financial advisor told the about-to-be-married couple. We developed this on our own as we each had been married before. At the time, he supported his two children from that first marriage as well as paid alimony. So, for us, it worked out well to have his, my, and our finances. Now, 33 years later, we still do. Not only has it never been problematic, but also it probably has prevented financial arguments. Finally, as my husband has pointed out, our finances are really joint anyway as in community property. Each couple has to find what works for their particular circumstances.
February 5th, 2009 at 12:28 am
You made $6 and had a Lincoln Lunch your first “solo” week. You really should frame that remaining dollar and title it “Bargain Babe’s Buck.”
February 5th, 2009 at 10:07 am
That’s a great idea!!! I just may do that, with a homemade frame, of course! Thanks for your support and readership, everyone.